Rumor has it 4 out of 5 people want to write a book. You would think you would know hundreds of authors, but most of us only know a few, if any at all.

This week, it became painfully clear why so many never hit the finish line.

Writing and PUBLISHING a book is hard. I’m talking walking-barefoot-over-hot-coals-during-a-hurricane-while-carrying-three-babies hard.

It took nearly three years to get my book from first draft to publication. You could say even longer since some chapters came from content I wrote two years before that.

Publishing a book takes a lot more than writing, especially if you choose to self-publish. You have to learn about editing, cover design, advertising, creating audio books, formatting for digital and paper editions, return on investment, and the list never ends.

I spent much of this week recording chapters for the audio book. It is extremely slow going, but it takes longer when you slip down a rabbit hole.

For example, after recording Day 1, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be great to turn this into a video and offer it as a sample chapter?” And so, five hours later…

Life with bipolar disorder is a lot like publishing a book. Every time you think you have it figured out, bipolar throws something new in your path.

You should be constantly learning, both about yourself and treatment options. If you have a doctor suddenly quit or you move, it often feels like starting over from zero.

The only reason there is now a book with my name on the cover is because I did it in tiny steps. Some weeks, I barely made any progress, editing only a few paragraphs, but all those brief sessions helped me reach my goal.

It’s the same with bipolar. Don’t try to tackle everything all at once.

Even the best football player can’t take on an entire team alone. Instead, they choose their target and focus on battling just one player. Do the same with bipolar.

If this week, all you can focus on is taking your meds and getting dressed, do that. In the better weeks, explore more options, but only work on 1-2 at a time.

With slow, steady progress, you will reach the life you want.

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2024 Change Update

It’s official: I’m now a published author. This was the biggest change I hoped to make this year. All the missed goals seem less important with this enormous task achieved.

Featured Post

The next chapter of the Surviving Bipolar Series is about talking to yourself. Find out why you should and how to start in the featured post below.

Scenes from My Yard

Photos of flowers and mushrooms — Photos by author

This is the first time my hibiscus has bloomed all summer.

Until next time, keep fighting.

Scott Ninneman

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Talk Therapy Homework and Listening as I Talked to Myself

Illustration of a young man standing near a mirror with another version of him behind him — What do you say when you talk to yourself? | Image made by author with Canva AI.

I had two ongoing homework assignments from my therapist, Dr. Burt.

One, I was supposed to be writing my autobiography. Much easier said than done. It’s been 30 years, and it’s still not finished.

Two, Dr. Burt wanted me to talk to myself and keep a record of those conversations.

Now, talking to yourself may sound easy. You may think you talk to yourself all the time, but how much of your conversation is the deep, introspective kind?

For me, the answer was zero.

While I was constantly talking to myself, it wasn’t the type of conversations Dr. Burt wanted me to have.

Surviving Bipolar is a monthly series telling the story of the early days of my journey with bipolar disorder. Read it from the beginning here.

My first attempt

One day, while waiting for Margaret to get back from the hair salon, I gave a conversation a try.

My head was full of thoughts of Tiffany, the girl I recently met and wanted to get to know better.

Life had kept Tiffany and me from seeing much of each other. We lived nearly an hour’s drive from each other and neither of us had much cash.

Part of me was ready to jump headfirst into the relationship, but another part was holding me back.

This is the conversation as I wrote it in my journal.

Hi how are you today?

Pretty good. I’m tired, though. My mind drifts off to Sunday and what events it holds. (Sunday was a day I was going to spend time with Tiffany.)

Why are you thinking so much about Sunday?

Because it could be a new start. It’s a new road, no matter how one looks at it. Either it can be a good road with smooth payment or a rocky road, like my friendship with my ex-roommate. My carriage isn’t strong enough for any more rough roads.

Sure it is. Buck up. Have some faith in yourself.

I have faith, but also modesty. I’m not up to another shipwreck.

Then don’t do it at all. Call it off. You don’t need to do this.

I want to do this. I’m tired of being alone. Don’t I deserve not to be alone anymore?

My first response is no, you don’t. You desired solitude, and now it has been granted. The expression, “live with it,” comes to mind.

Then I wrote, “And this is why I have so little conversation with myself.”

What I learned

I wanted to include the above conversation from my journal because it illustrates well the way you think when you have bipolar disorder.

So many things are all or nothing. There’s no middle ground. Either it will be the best time ever or the worst. Either the relationship will lead to walking down the aisle, or you’ll hate each other from the word go.

The fear of things turning bad frequently stops you from doing anything.

Why have conversations with yourself?

Whether I liked it or not, Dr. Burt’s assignment was helping me to look inside.

It’s important to talk to yourself when you have a mental illness, because there are things in your head you are unlikely to share with anyone else. You need a place to work those things out, and sometimes a conversation with yourself is the best place.

Does it feel a little silly? Yeah, sometimes it does.

I’m sure I felt ridiculous when I was writing those words back in 1995. I even feel a little silly adding them here, but I know those words led to growth.

My growth took time, but I eventually got there. Listening as I spoke to myself helped me explore what was spinning in my head and make sense of it all.

So, how do you talk to yourself?

How do you have a conversation with yourself?

The simple answer is just like you talk to anyone else.

Pick a topic, and start writing or talking. For me, it helped to do it in writing in my journal. When I had these conversations in writing, I wrote in two different colors of ink. The color change made it clear which part of my personality was talking and when.

You can also have conversations out loud, but you’re less likely to remember them for later analysis.

I would recommend not talking to yourself in public. That’s a recipe for a whole other type of disaster.

The value of talking to yourself isn’t so much about what you say, but what the words reveal about you.

The journal entry written above was useful because it showed me two things: one, I was living with all-or-nothing thinking. Everything had to be black and white, and that included going into a relationship.

Two, it helped me realize I was being tough on myself. The phrase, “live with it,” is never a nice thing to say, especially not to yourself.

If you’re like me, you may not realize how harsh you’re being to yourself until you start paying attention to these exchanges.

Illustration of a young man sitting on a bed and writing in a journal — Try writing the conversation in your journal. | Image made by author with Canva AI.

Change takes time

I would love to say that I learned quickly to treat myself better. That life skill didn’t come until a few therapists (and years) later. I abused myself a lot more in the time in between.

Progress takes time for all things, so don’t fool yourself into thinking you can have one conversation and solve all your problems. Oh, if only it were that easy.

Schedule some time today to talk to yourself. Find a solitary place, a location where you feel safe. Give yourself room to let your emotions come out.

Then open up a dialogue and see what happens.

Again, I think there’s value in recording these conversations, but not every exchange needs to be recorded. Instead, pay attention to the message.

What does your conversation tell you about you? How does it reveal the way you treat yourself? Is there a need for improvement?

I felt silly when Dr. Burt told me to talk to myself, but in time, I saw the value of those conversations. Try it out and see how talking to yourself can help you.

Until next time, keep fighting.

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