Getting ready for work on Monday morning, I looked in the mirror and could no longer deny reality. I'm in the middle of a bipolar hypomania episode.

Sure, the signs have been there. I've noticed my decreased need for sleep, the energy that makes it hard to sit still, and the way I've been way more open in my conversations than I probably should be.

But I kept telling myself that things were fine, that I was just as stable as I was supposed to be.

Here's the thing: out of necessity, I've been pushing myself. Pushing hard. I'm working on a big project, with a rushing deadline coming up much too soon. To get everything done, there’s no choice but to push a little harder. I have to keep moving forward no matter how I feel. The downside of that is it often triggers hypomania.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I want you to know that I do see the signs. I know that I'm a bit off, and that my creative explosion is a massive bright pink flashing warning sign. It's a similar experience to what I put myself through during the last weeks of tax season. Things have to get done, and I can't stop until they're finished.

I’m also mentioning this to remind us that there is no shame in admitting when we are struggling. Often, the first step in managing a cycle is to name it.

This roller coaster and I go way back, so I have specific plans to keep myself in check. Even though I may only be sleeping three hours most nights, I'm making sure that I spend at least five in bed. I turn the lights down at night, and read instead of watching TV.

I'm doing everything I can to slow down my mind and to rest my body. The payoff will come when this rush ends and my life is much less stressful.

That said, my creative mind is working overtime. I have three music videos now on YouTube featuring songs made from my poems. One of those songs is also now on YouTube Music, Spotify, and Amazon Music.

As I've been sorting through my overflowing poems folder, I'm amazed how many there are. While out watering plants a few days ago in the 100 degree heat, I was trying to pick the next one to turn into a song. I couldn’t get a ditty out of my head that I’ve been reciting for years.

When times get tough, I remind myself I am “bipolar strong.” I’ve fought and won battles in the past, and I will never stop fighting.

How great would it be if we had an anthem to get us through those rough spots? Well, now we do! I finally pulled those words out of my head and scribbled them on the page. I’m nearly giggling with excitement as I watch how well it turned out, but don’t take my word for it.

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Bipolar Strong is a fighting anthem for all of us who walk this path every day. While it doesn't officially release until next Saturday, maybe this taste will get you through until then. There's also a country version coming soon. (Read the original poem here.) Paid members of Speaking Bipolar's Positivity Club can watch the full video today. For everyone else, it releases on Saturday, September 12 on YouTube.

Are you feeling down right now? Or is this time of year energizing for you? Are you doing everything you can to keep yourself stable? That's the most important thing.

If you're struggling, know that you're not alone. I am definitely struggling, but I have a countdown clock on my phone that's reminding me that there are only 47 days left in this battle. I can't wait for the peace soon to follow.

We’re focusing on fall in the Positivity Club this week, with Part 1 below. Hopefully it will help us both stay on track.

Find some time this week to do something special just for you. And if pumpkin spice anything is available, make sure you get some.

Until next time, keep fighting.

Scott Ninneman

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The light is changing, and so are we

Can you feel it in the air? Even though the temps here in southeast Tennessee have been hanging around 100, there's an unmistakable scent in the air. Fall is on its way. (I feel like Lorelai from Gilmore Girls and how she could smell snow coming.)

I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with fall. Of course, I love the fall colors and the crisp mornings and all the fun things from pumpkin spice donuts to hot apple cider. But autumn also brings a change of season, which can be tricky for those of us with bipolar disorder. It also ushers in winter, and while I love seeing snow from time to time, I hate being cold.

The spring and fall season changes seem to be the hardest for people with mental illness. I'm not sure why they're harder than any other season, but they definitely are, at least for me. If nothing else, I feel a sense of guilt because my energy level suddenly drops or I feel like I just can't keep up with my usual high-functioning schedule. Summer breeds hypomanic energy, so when the seasons change, that energy source slips away as well.

Rather than feel guilty or like things are falling apart, let's start to view our bodies as an extension of nature. The trees outside don't apologize for slowing down. They think nothing of shedding their leaves to make room for fresh growth next year. As their leaves dry up, they let them fall, because they know you shouldn't hold on to everything.

One of my least favorite things about this time of year is the way irises discard their summer's growth. I have a lot of irises, because they reproduce like bunnies, but when the heat of late August hits, they start to turn yellow and brown and just fall over.

I can relate. Many days, that's how I feel, especially after a long day at work. As much as the dying iris leaves bug me, I know there’s no reason to hurry out there. Nature will clean up much of the mess, reminding me that not everything has to be handled today. Not every part of life is pretty, and that’s true even if you are a flower.

This week, we'll be looking for ways we can shift with nature. We will learn the lessons fall can teach us and how we can apply them in our lives.

If you feel like your body suddenly needs to slow down, honor that feeling. Give yourself the extra time you need, whether it's longer sleep sessions or afternoon naps. Your body is responding exactly the way nature intended, so don't fight it. Welcome the season into your life.

What is your favorite way to slow down and welcome fall? (And more importantly, what is your go-to fall treat?)

Journal Prompt

How is your body or mind telling you it needs to slow down this week?

Additional Reading:

• ​How To Have More Fun Journaling​
• ​The Power of Connection: Finding Your Tribe in the Bipolar Journey​
• ​The Wrong Ideas That Frightened Me Before My Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis​
• ​Archive Newsletters​