I love to tell people not to use their mental illness as an excuse, but you know what? Sometimes, it is.

I'm not working Fridays this time of year, so at the end of every week, I usually have a to-do list that's as long as my driveway. But last Friday morning, my body had other ideas.

I woke up to a terrible headache and lots of body pain. That wasn't necessarily caused by bipolar disorder, but the mental beating I took later definitely was.

As soon as I waved the white flag and admitted that my physical pain was going to stop me from accomplishing anything of value that day, my mind went to work telling me what a failure I was.

It told me all the ways I was failing my mother, the things that weren't getting done at home, and why I shouldn't even consider any new options for my career moving forward.

Honestly, the beating I took from my mind was much worse than the headache or the physical pain I was feeling. Even worse, I felt powerless to stop it. It’s like being tied up in the backseat of a car as it’s speeding down a mountain road with no driver behind the wheel.

It’s exhausting to live with, but sometimes mental illness does take over your life. Sometimes it means you can't go to work, can't spend time with friends, and can't even clean the bathroom like you had planned. The worst times last for days or weeks, or maybe even for months.

Yes, sometimes, mental illness is a valid reason to stop everything. Sometimes there's nothing you can do but settle in and embrace the awfulness of it all.

Fortunately, those awful days aren't every day. If you really think about it, there are a lot more good days than there are bad—at least when it comes to the extreme days.

Since those awful days are inevitable, we need tools to weather the storm. That's why this week, we will be focusing on how to bring more calm into your life by looking at mindful meditation. Part one is below.

I’m also using art as a way to cope with depression and anxiety. July is World Watercolor Month, so I’m trying to paint more often. Here is this week's piece. I really hated it when I first finished it, but the longer it's sat on my shelf, the more it's grown on me.

I still have so far to go as an artist, but I feel like I'm learning a little bit every time I sit down and pick up a paintbrush.

If you've been thinking about trying something new, let today be the day you start. The reality is that you will be no good when you start—no one is. So just have some fun and get started. Who knows where it will lead?

Reader, thank you for being part of the Speaking Bipolar community. I hope you have a wonderful week.

Until next time, keep fighting.

Scott Ninneman

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The Myth of the Empty Mind

When I first tried mindful meditation, I did all the right things. I turned off all the lights and lit some candles, I started a playlist of soft piano music, and found a comfy pillow to sit on. Then, I sat on my living room floor, closed my eyes, and waited for my mind to quiet down. I had read all the articles claiming that mindfulness was about finding total inner silence, but silence never came.

Five minutes later, my brain was still running like the Road Runner. I was thinking about my tax clients, a conversation I had three years ago, the weeds growing in the flower beds, and a sudden, intense worry that my bipolar medication was going to stop working.

The harder I tried to silence my thoughts, the louder they screamed. I opened my eyes and thought to myself, “Well, here’s another thing I failed at.”

When you live with bipolar disorder, your mind is a loud, chaotic place. Whether you are navigating the heavy sludge of depression, the electric buzz of mania, or the unexpected fiery blast of bipolar anger, your brain rarely gives you silence.

Expecting a bipolar mind to just "go blank" is like standing in the middle of a hurricane and expecting the wind to stop simply because you asked nicely.

Here is the truth that finally changed my perspective: Mindfulness is not about emptying your mind. It is simply about noticing where you are right now, without judging it.

When you practice mindfulness, you’re not trying to banish the bipolar monster. Instead, you’re just stepping back and observing it. Sometimes, by not fighting, the beast in your mind calms down on its own.

Mindful meditation isn’t about fixing the chaos. It may not be possible with our overactive minds. Instead, try to drop an anchor so you don't get swept away in the storm.

This week in the Positivity Club, we’ll explore techniques for grounding and calm. We will look at ways to pull yourself out of the dizzying spin of your own thoughts and back into your physical body.

To learn more about mindfulness, check out this post on the Speaking Bipolar blog.

For today, your only job is to let go of the pressure to have a quiet mind. Accept that your brain is noisy. That doesn’t mean you are failing at anything. The noise is just where you are right now. It’s proof you are fighting a very real battle, and you are surviving it.

Journal Prompt

When you sit in silence, what is the loudest thought that usually pops into your head? Can you practice just acknowledging that thought today without trying to fix it?

Additional Reading:

• ​11 Ways to Hold on to Hope When It Feels Like the Storm Will Never End​
• ​An Important Life Lesson From a Realty TV Show​
• ​Love Can Be (a poem)​
• ​Spotlight on Gratitude: 15 Inspiring Quotes Will Make You Stronger​
• ​Archive Newsletters​